Where Did I Put That Compass???
I know it was here somewhere… Last time I hauled it out to check the Feng Shui directions of our new house, it seemed in pretty good condition. How is it that I now can’t find the flippin’ instrument at all, let alone figure out if I’m using it properly?
I am, of course, talking on two different levels here. Firstly, the actual direction finding implement in our house, the one that indicates north, south, east and west, has really gone missing. I do haul it out from time to time, to check various important things, like where to place the new lamp I’ve just bought, or if the ornaments are facing the right way. But that’s another story….
What I’m really thinking about right now is my internal compass; the built-in, reliable, accurate and time tested way I use to decide a course of action in my life. This piece of machinery has gone maddeningly quiet inside me lately. Just when I need it most, it seems.
Several areas of my life are showing either already accomplished change, or much needed stock-taking, with a view to making some changes. And I am dithering on the edge of making decisions….
So unlike me. The old me. Who was absolutely certain of right and wrong. Black and white. Night and day.
I’ve recently learnt the importance of neutrality, and of not “polarizing” my opinion one way or the other. It’s a very irritating skill to have acquired, because I can’t force my original opinion on anyone anymore, least of all myself. I do think it makes me a better person – softer, more gentle with myself and others (people don’t tell me I’m hard as often as they used to). I’ve learnt to listen to other views. Really listen. Try to understand a standpoint or an opinion totally different from my own. And it’s working. Lots of areas have opened up to me that I previously had no concept of. I am making a lot of headway in many areas, and I have managed to push pause on my “judgment button” in most cases.
Which brings me to the compass….
The way I used to live my life was that it was My Way – or The Highway. Take it or Leave it. So, I made instant decisions, based on my beliefs and values, and lived them. Go North, young (wo)man! Now, if I am willing to suspend and consider other views, how and who do I trust to make decisions now?
This question has had me rather stumped lately. I have been battling in a bath of indecision and disempowerment. And then, this morning, I saw this quote, by one of my all time favourite poets, Rumi:
“Let yourself be silently drawn
by the strange pull
of what you really love.
It will not lead you astray”
What suddenly became totally clear to me is that I’m not supposed to have all the answers, all the time. Part of the human condition is that I am supposed to grapple with questions and decisions. I don’t have to “know it all”. And even when I think I do, I don’t. If I remember to be quiet, and to listen to myself, really listen, not judge or assume, I will feel the pull of “rightness” – of what I really love. And then, only then, can I decide, and act. With kindness and compassion. No matter what.
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